My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
