you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
