found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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