I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
