I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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