there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
