Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
