I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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