Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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