if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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