Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
