Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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