I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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