I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
