I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
