I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
