Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
