3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
