Pants 0. Shit 1.
Fuck appropriateness.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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