There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
