You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
