just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
