threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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