Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
MIDGETS
????
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
