so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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