I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Im part way to drunk.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
