He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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