a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
