I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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