He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
