you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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