i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
