the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
