i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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