This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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