butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
