I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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