I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
