I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
did i just pee glitter
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