At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize