I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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