Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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