I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
This girl is more easily done than said...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
