Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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