I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
