take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
