Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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