I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
