two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
