oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize