so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize