We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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