she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
