She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
