Got a toothbrush?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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