I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
