You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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