Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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