So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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