She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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