he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
