if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
