Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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