remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
