my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
