This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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