I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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